dear sister, Thu Le', once said to me, "You need to start
writing everything down. Everytime you have a thought, write
it down." Also, my practitioner said, "It'd be great if
you kept a journal next to your bed, so when you wake up,
you can write down the first thing that comes in your head."
Hence, I started doing that. I like to put down as creatively
as I can my theories towards therapy and life in general...I
am open for debate (although I am pretty bad at it)...
EACH OTHER'S INSECURITIES...
Unfortunately, insecurity can present itself as anger
and blame. This happens because the person who is feeling
insecure has a hard time admitting it, so rather it comes
out passively, or aggressively - or perhaps a combo of both.
When a person is feeling insecure, they are in more child
energy - they are not their 25 or 35 year old self. They
are probably around six or seven.
of this, if you are the one they are coming to in that child
energy - it may be challenging for you to be there for them
- and the two of you may end up in conflict. What's needed
is SUPPORT and EMPATHY. Here's a simple way to do that:
Imagine a seven-year old child coming up to you with insecurities.
Even imagine them coming to you in a temper-tantrum way...Would
you get mad at them? Would you start defending yourself
and ask them, "Why do you take your issues out on me?"
Of course you wouldn't!
time, see if you can relate to your partner in his/her child
energy - the same way you would relate to a child who is
worried or insecure. *Excerpt from my upcoming book
IS NOT A STIGMA. THERAPY IS GROWTH. GROWTH IS PRACTICE.
Too many times I hear that people think if you go to therapy
it means there's something wrong with you. There is not.
Experiencing any form of therapy is a pathway to growing,
moving through the blockages, living a richer life, and
enabling yourself to connect and just be. To allow you to
roll with the moments and focus on the present, which may
be difficult to do. Sometimes getting a little guidance
from an objective, nonjudgmental place helps you to feel
more open and, essentially, helps you grow. With this growth
comes practice, practice, practice. Allowing yourself to
practice knowing your needs, and satisfying them...with
patience and compassion.
All About Me...this is my mantra. Taking responsibility
for ourselves, our behaviors, our decisions, and the care
of our own self is empowering, loving, and necessary. The
moment I truly grasped the idea that I have all I need inside
of me to get where I want to go - to take care of myself
- I felt empowered. I hear a lot of people give their power
away when they say phrases such as, "He made me feel
so stupid..." or "She made me so angry".
From my experience anyone can do and/or say anything they
want - but it is up to me as to how I choose to respond,
and essentially how I choose to take care of myself in the
moment. If I'm not able to make a choice and/or respond
in a way that takes care of me, then that is what I need
to look at and explore. That is possibly what needs to be
are our mirrors... they are our way of getting to know
ourselves, our way of choosing to know ourselves. An intimate
relationship can be just the reflection we need to lead
us to the light of healing our traumas, great and small.
Our traumas are what lead us to attainment, enlightenment
- peace - harmony. When one can embrace their traumas and
begin to appreciate the emotional pain and suffering they
have experienced, they will be on their path to true healing
and grace (...and fulfilling relationships!).
OF COMMUNICATION BREEDS RESENTMENT.
may not be everything but it can alter an unfolding of a
person's life in a split second. A turn of the head, a missed
exit, a traffic jam, a last minute decision to take a trip,
an irresistable job offer across the country, an off comment
- any one of these events can affect the way one's life
unfolds, and all of them are influenced by how we perceive
ourselves and life in that moment.
This is especially shown in relationships. How many times
do you see couples date, move apart, and then reconcile
later in life? Or see two really great people never get
their paths to quite meet? He likes her, she likes him -
but never at the same time. Or, you see two people that
have been friends for years upon years finally get together?
Or how many times have you watched yourself or a friend
look back on an old love and have regret?
It can kick your butt. It can make your day. It can catapult
you into a new level of feeling and living. From my experience,
we allow different levels of love to come into our lives
depending on where we are at that time in our life. I have
to say it again, timing can kick your butt - but it can
undoubtedly, without question, lead you into the greatest
experiences of your life, especially when it comes to falling
in love. I look forward to embracing those moments when
the timing is just on, and it feels like home.
CONFLICT can be difficult and/or it can be easy. From
my experiences, in order to stop resentment and the eventual
demise of a relationship, the two people must communicate.
Communication will occur from the standpoint of each person's
willingness to take accountability for his/her behavior
and see how s/he can adjust and heal in order to do things
in a way that supports the relationship. This ability to
take accountability is what could possibly make resolving
the conflict difficult.
TRUST is created when we take accountability for
our behaviors. We can trust ourselves to be capable of owning
up to our mistakes and our faults. And, when others do the
same - we can trust them. Taking accountability is a loving
and emotionally grounding thing to do. It is also compassionate
to ACCEPT ourselves and others - regardless of mistakes
or faults. When we allow COMPASSION into our hearts, it
opens up our ability to grow together and with others.
OWNERSHIP. Each person's ability to take accountability
is most likely based on what they have learned and know
to be true about themselves, other people, and relationships.
If a person has learned in their childhood to withdraw,
repress their feelings, point, blame, deny, etc,. most likely
they will not be in a place to be conscious of their behavior
and take accountability. If a person has learned in their
childhood to express their feelings, communicate, listen
to others, take personal responsibility, etc., s/he will
have a better chance of doing just that. Conflict can be
a significant gateway to invite each person to look at themselves
INTENTIONS MEAN NOTHING...it is how the person has received
it. For example, if I say something with absolutely no intentions
of being hurtful, but my beloved ends up feeling hurt -
for me to say, "Oh well, that's not what I meant, so..."
would be unloving and inconsiderate. It is important to
nurture any relationship you have, especially when feelings
have been hurt. Regardless of your intention, being mindful
of how it has been received - and nurturing any indirect
hurt - will allow your relationship to be nourished and
all of this comes the need for consistency. CONSISTENCY
BUILDS TRUST. Lack of consistency can lead to distrust.
Life From the Inside Out...On January 31, 2003, I spent
the day with the buddhist monks of the Deer Park Monestary
and the venerable Thich Nhat Hanh. I used to believe that
anyone that joined a monestary of any kind, whether it be
the priesthood, a convent, a monk, etc., never truly lived.
Today I asked myself, "Am I truly living?" What
is the definition of "truly living" anyway? If
we go according to mainstream America and nationwide media
antics, I would have to say it is partying, sowing your
oats, having relationships, and all other external ways
of life. What about what is happening inside? Since I have
gone on the internal journey, my way of living has undoubtedly
shifted. There is nothing that money can buy, no stimulus
that can be created, no love that can be shared that is
as rich, energizing, and comforting as to what I can find
when I search myself internally. Truly living is getting
to a place of enlightenment when that search becomes natural,
effortless, and cultural. We all struggle through life.
We all suffer at some time or another. Today, I make a choice
to practice not suffering and truly live life from the inside
Little Story About Four Characters You May Have Heard Of...
Have you ever met a character named ANXIETY? ANXIETY is
a big ole' pain in the butt - always regretting the past
and worrying about the future. DEPRESSION is ANXIETY'S best
friend. It likes to jump in there with ANXIETY and do a
little dance in your head. They cheer each other on and
pat each other on the back. Then, along comes the PRESENT.
The PRESENT gives ANXIETY and DEPRESSION a reality check
- it takes deep breaths and grounds itself by hanging out
with the MOMENT. The PRESENT and the MOMENT don't regret
the past or worry about the future, they just chill together,
enjoy one another, give each other support, and roll with
the punches. ANXIETY and DEPRESSION fight for attention
but since your directing your love and energy to the PRESENT
and the MOMENT, they just wither away and become lifeless
while the PRESENT and the MOMENT become powerful and strong!
© 2003 Aimee Zakrewski